Monday, September 27, 2010

a conversation

a friend asked me sumthing one day...(more or less)
" r u in luv wit ***?"
"hell no!! why do u ask??"
"tell me da truth n b honest"
"honestly?"
"yup"
"NO!"
" c'mon!!"
"reeely im not"
"fine wat eva u say.. im not convinced!"
"im tellin u da truth!!"

at least that is what i felt dat time... my heart didnt go doki2 wen im wit ***.... neither wen i was thinking bout him so im guessing there is nothing... aish.... yala... its my own heart, i think i shud noe better.. its nothing like dat time...

mad? no im not.. its just dat im evaluating myself again after being asked. hurmm... ok, i do like him but not 2 d xtend of love?? wow!! love is a very powerful word.. even i dint dare 2 use it so much...play2 2 besa la... seyesly, i rarely meant those words... im a hypocrite, i know.. im very good @ being ms nice-but-not-so-nice-when-everyone's-not-around...

reevaluating myself makes me notice 1 thing. the way im showing affection to those i care can create confusion... shud i change the way iam?.. argh.. its getting awkward.. even just 2 think about it... huh.. thios is mentally challenging...

now everytime im alone im thinking bout this... silly? i know.. it just happens... y? idk... is it the words?
may b..
is it reality check?
could be..

by the end of the day.. i was left confused and confunded i guess.... maybe i should re think my action thus ppl wouldnt mistaken it to anything its not.. haisy... i want love.. but im not dat desperate.. lets say my fate is with him, i do accept.. happily! but 4 now, no.. i dun hv any candidates in mind.. but i do know he wasnt in my list...

tell me ppl... why shud i think this over and over again...
why shud i care on how ppl look at me?
wh shud i be like this??

argh,,, jiwwa kacau.. i guess...

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