Monday, September 27, 2010

a conversation

a friend asked me sumthing one day...(more or less)
" r u in luv wit ***?"
"hell no!! why do u ask??"
"tell me da truth n b honest"
" c'mon!!"
"reeely im not"
"fine wat eva u say.. im not convinced!"
"im tellin u da truth!!"

at least that is what i felt dat time... my heart didnt go doki2 wen im wit ***.... neither wen i was thinking bout him so im guessing there is nothing... aish.... yala... its my own heart, i think i shud noe better.. its nothing like dat time...

mad? no im not.. its just dat im evaluating myself again after being asked. hurmm... ok, i do like him but not 2 d xtend of love?? wow!! love is a very powerful word.. even i dint dare 2 use it so much...play2 2 besa la... seyesly, i rarely meant those words... im a hypocrite, i know.. im very good @ being ms nice-but-not-so-nice-when-everyone's-not-around...

reevaluating myself makes me notice 1 thing. the way im showing affection to those i care can create confusion... shud i change the way iam?.. argh.. its getting awkward.. even just 2 think about it... huh.. thios is mentally challenging...

now everytime im alone im thinking bout this... silly? i know.. it just happens... y? idk... is it the words?
may b..
is it reality check?
could be..

by the end of the day.. i was left confused and confunded i guess.... maybe i should re think my action thus ppl wouldnt mistaken it to anything its not.. haisy... i want love.. but im not dat desperate.. lets say my fate is with him, i do accept.. happily! but 4 now, no.. i dun hv any candidates in mind.. but i do know he wasnt in my list...

tell me ppl... why shud i think this over and over again...
why shud i care on how ppl look at me?
wh shud i be like this??

argh,,, jiwwa kacau.. i guess...

Friday, September 17, 2010

bitter sweet raya..

i dont know why.. it always come up as a heavy matter 2 me wen it come 2 frens n family... dearest readers, its RAYA!!! Salam Eid! MAaf zahir batin! ^^~ owkey enough with the introduction... heres my side of story...
letme refresh back fm d momment i was far xited-2-death cuz finally im going back 2 sabah fm Tganu!! it was a blast!!! ^^~ but hres d details.. i went 2 book my ticket(actually just conforming- da tiket r bought by Sabah Fed-yeye sabah fed!!<< me luv u!!)i make my fred lost d chance 2 atted his FYP meeting.. later i know dat there were several problem 2 d FYP dat he is doing(dear god, i think i sinned) AIZEE, sorrri!!! dat s all i could sa.. me is feeling guilty... wuwuwuwuwuw.... silly me... aint i... he said dun wory' xda papa', but i just... @ the bottom of my heart i just know iam one of d reason he missed d meeting... T____T...

later dat i know dat i miss looked my presentation date causing me to stay back in da university one extra day!!! OMG!! its me being silly!! i know.... thankfully i got FUZAH staying back wit me( she just couldnt stand seeing me being lonely-sweeeeeeet!!!)<< me luv her>> <3~

den.. luckily my fl8 fm KT 2 KL 2 all good w/o hassle... but!! my fl8 fm KL- KK got prob.. dlayed so late dat i break my fast in da car(x smpat smpi rumah-sedih... br mo sungkai awal kan..)n i missed my plan 4 d day(i need 2 do my passport).. aisehmen... 3 jam pulak tu i was stuck @ KLIA!!!---> bengang cuz reeeeely wanan go home at dat momen.. oomma poguspo!!!

its a blast i shud say!! i enjoyed this yer raya mo den years b4.. went raya-ing till lewat malam-awl pagi.. meeting old friends, catching up with each other... i just missed d momments n im hoping 2 do it again.. meeting up wit cousin(cant believe haw fast time flies-theyre big!!)^^~ meeting other people.. cooking, eating great food... bla2.... anyways its was awesome!!!

going back 2 university!! this suck!! i got assignments waiting 2 be done!! FYP, Lab report, OMG.. SIFE, DEMI, Programmes.. its cramming my days.. but dats wat i like.. me being busy..oww. n my PROPOSAL!!! lots 2 be mend... just did bout 10% last holiday... silly me.. i know.. play2 jak.. tida mau buat kerja.. anyway i book i neva miss n look forward! FACEBOOK!!<3 neva grow tired of it....

now on my way back 2 KT, im stuck bout 3 hours @ KKIA.. my fl8 got delay cuz of d shitty weather.. aigo!!!!! im sooo tired of waiting !! this airport is cold n hard n lonely.... wuwuwuwuwuwuw!!! get me my DCB quick2!! make it TCB even beter!!!

to make things even interesting, my flight was delayed up to d extend of 5 hours!! another 2 hours on board.. the air is stuffy, n feels suffocating!! bout 8 pm den we went up n away 2 KL...

arrived @ kl, theres another prob.. my last flight 2 tganu went away redy.. figures.. since its about 11.20pm by dat time... owwkey... 'your nex flight would be @ 8.00am 2moro" i got no luggage, no toiletries, no nothing!! omost scream!! i just wanna go back 2 my uni!!! no more plz!!! " u can stay @ PAN PACIFIC 2nie"<< sudenly it didnt sounds so bad.. keh3..... LOL! silly me aint it??

skalinya pegi dat particular hotel mo chek in pon taking bout an hour! sudala jauh jalan kaki(though it was in da same building) kin panas!!(hangin satu badan) sampai2 di bilik, luckily my room was great, bath tub, queen size bed, flat screen tv,, shud i ask 4 mo??? hahahah....

but my mind is not at ease @ all.. wanted 2 go back 2 uni!! like now!!!! dun want dis luxury!! want 2 be in my room up in kayangan @ 5th floor...

da next day, i check out @ 6, grab bfast @ Eraman..skalinya flight delay lg 4 another half an hour!!! panas!!!!! by d end of da day, nsb bek smpai tganu!!!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Another bad day... - FYP presentation

owkey.. my bad.. im a last minute person... i know... but this is like bad..
i got my FYP presentation yesterday..(one of the reason y i stayed in hostel late..)figures!! it was a disaster!!!

Protien profiling of hydrophobic protien from amebocyte lysate of T.Gigas... dats my proposal... basically its to isolate hydrophobic protien( membranbound) an 2 characterize those bu mr n charge.... its sounds easy 2 understand rite.. iduno y those lecturer asked me bout those un related stuff!!

u c... if my friends got shot.. i cot bombed!!! thats how bad my presentation is... T_T.. lifes un fair!!

holidey is comin 4 me.. raya wanted 2 say hi! but im still depressed.. aigoo!! cheer up lah me!!! ts just a proposal. ok maybe u screw a very important presentation.. what can u do now is just work harder.. theres nothing u can do to change the result of everything taht happened. like moms said.. redha... >_< still my liver is in pain!!!

a very bad day...

this actually hepen end of last month.. i was miserable! okey hres d story

i had a test dat morning so dat nite i stayed up late, pulling all niter! at the same time im finishing up some personal work... truth to be told, i went out dat nite.. meronggeng... not to say dat im a very carefree person its just dat the work load rely get in2 me n i need sum place n time 2 calm myself up so dat i can continue n fight... i went out bukak posa n return around 1 i guess.. den started my usual fesbuking, updating everything, peeking trough ppls pages.. ah.. so called un related 2 study but very important unusefool stuff! it keeps me awake by the very least... okey(continue)

dat morning after sahur i decided 2 take a very very very short nap(cuz my kepala cannot take it anymo! den i wake up tekejut wen i saw the time! omost 8.30!! my test @ 10. i havent fin d slides!!(got 2 mo ppt if im x mistaken)i pun rush2 pg mandi... toilet occupied!! both!! aiseh.. mmg potong mood! i was frustrated.. so i fesbuk sum mo... later i saw my watch 9 oredi!!! omg!!!! den i go shower...

going 2 fetch my fren down stairs,.. den i realized i forgot ,my phone.. so i go back up again.. mind u my fren's room is in 2nd floor while mine in 5th floor!!! tired2 den go jalan kaki 2 KK fm hostel... it was a very! long walk!!!!

wen i answer d test.. pain liver!! i read that part oredi but i cant recall!!! aiseh men! why la why this test.. howla my dream of getting dekan dis sem... im seing it running away.. n im chasing.. its like da dream is using ferari n im stuck wit mini cooper.. fancy yeah but aint as fast...

after test i was soo sleepy.. i open lappy try 2 finisgh my presentation sides.. after 20 min i guess..(posa kan)i pun hit da sack..(x sdar) i woke up 5.30 oredi... den i think2.... wat did i miss?? OMG i got FYP presentation @ 2.30!!!! i ova slept!!! D. Azna will b furious!! omg2!! T_T what hepen to me!!!!!! wuwuwuwuwuwuw... hate this!!

T_T... its a very bad day.. n it all hepen on 31 august.. a way 2 celebrate independence ey...