1. A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password for their computer.
Her husband put 'mypenis' and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause it said, "Error. Not long enough." .
2. A girl needs a blood transfusion, so her boyfriend gives her his. Months later they break up, and he wants his blood back. So she hands him a tampon and says she'll make monthly payments.
3. Mom: "What kind of site were you on?"
You: "YouTube, Facebook, nothing unusual."
Mom: "Then why did you close it so quickly when I walked in?"
You: "Because I can."
4. A blonde txted me and asked "what does *IDK* mean" and i txt back "i don't know" then she wrote .. "Gosh! nobody knows!"
5. Boy friend: "Who's the guy that hurt you?? im gonna kill him!"
Girl friend: "Well u might as well commit suicide"...
6. MOM: if all your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump too?
KID: mom, my friends arent idiots.
7. "Mom...I'm bored"
"Ok, if you're so bored why don't u clean this..."
"Never mind I found something to do."
8. "EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" *answers phone* "Hi Mommy :)"
9. Mom, im 16 now. Can I have a Bra? ...No, Justin.
10. A man asked a genie to make him a billion times smarter than any man on earth, so the genie turned him into a woman.
p/s no 10 is my fav!!!