Wednesday, March 10, 2010

aku sakit lagi..


aku tahu, agak tidak matang untuk meluahkan perasaaan dalam blog tapi itu antara reason utama knp aku menulis blog pd walnya. kpd pembaca. maaf post akhir2 ini sangat tidak intelektual tp ah... persetankan itu semua. semalam aku ada sesi heart2 heart yg aku kira effectif sedikit berbading dlu2.. suasana terkawal, aku senang, n selesa.. dia? ntah, tp aku kira dia pn sama. cuma resah sedikitla... tp tolak ke tepi. mungkin suma salah aku. aku tak tahu. mungkin hanya perasaan semata. tapi... aku tak bohong... suma ak ckp benda betol..aku salah ka biala ckap benda betul? bila pernyataan aku calit cat di muka mereka atas apa yg mereka buat salah aku ka?? itu interpretasi org len. fine. salah aku.. aku terima. tp masa 2 aku buntu.. aku perlu luahkan segalanya. masa 2 hanya ada 2 kemungkinan. aku jd nanar atau buka pekung di dada... aku pilih jalan mudah.. aku tak mahu jd nanar .. aku tak mahu jd gila... aku buka pekung didada... maaf.. itu jak yg ak boleh ckp. sebab hidup aku perlu diteruskan. aku tak mahu rasa terbeban. kepada sesiapa yg terkesan. maaf. masa 2 aku ckp trus terang ini hanya luahan perasaa. mereka sahabat, mereka rakan. aku tidak mampu untuk berdepan dgn seorng sahabat n st8 2 d face ckp ' ur ignorance make me b this way, this bad, this tired'.... were aldults. adults didnt like 2 take orders. cuz adults r suppose 2 b sensitive enough 2 understand, to observe, to interprete. u should understand. i didnt hv enough hand, ask wat can u do? dun wait 4 me 2 gv orders. dun hope.. do stare blankly. u noe wat 2 do.. kemas kk, rubbish, arangement of finals, keep ur mentees 2 watch d final, keeping in good shape. wen i c u guys dat tired, i cant bear myself 2 do wat i say u think i should. u hv ur own restriction. say, im hard 2 please, i can be a real *****, but still i noe im nice. then, lemme ask u one thing, do u or do u not hv eyes, ears , sense, n guilt c-ing me in dat pathetic condition while im putting my fake face on 2 please everyone... ?nah~ mayB u dot, mayB u hv... wat u do? nothing... im not mad anymo bcuz of dat, im cool now. cuz i had let it all go at dat time.. which i need 2... and u said im wrong? wrong 2 express my feeling, wrong 2 express d truth.. did i lie? obviously no! n u actually mad for the fact that i tell everyone d truth. because it makes u look bad? because they now know what happen exactly? truth is bitter but face it, its a fact! tell me where did i do wrong? those r my friends, the only ones i have since i cant talk 2 nobody else.. i have no one here remember? i have my own reason why i feel it is best to talk to them.. n who are you to judge me? i do the work! so like my heart i can talk! ah~ i will surely xplain mo l8r but now.. i need 2 go~

1 comment:

Cik hitam said...

hi wani..
kak faz here... ^ ^
be strong dear.. :)