Tuesday, December 14, 2010

masa yang tidak tercapai

tenung skrin laptop
putih....
tengok dining depan
putih jugak...
tengok lantai
pun putih...

kosong...
sama macam otak saya sekaang..

keaadaan sepi
saya sepi
saya sunyi
saya perlu jadi bizi
tp bila bz saya jdi mamai lagi


lupa diri
lupa kerja..
apa nak jadi
tak mahu nasib buruk menyelubungi


apanak jadi??
buntu lagi...

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

si pelupa edisi satu

renung dinding
kosong
sama mcm dinding hati saya
rasa kan?

pandang laut,
gelora
indah
tp tgk pn x kan....

perut bunyi krong3
hujankan
sejuk maka lapar sekejap2 singgah
tapi awak lupa
nak wat cemana kan..

jeling botol air
rasa nak campak
biar kemek
mcm perasaan sy skrg

buat kerja bagai nak rak
harapan tak kesampaian
lupa..

tak apalah...
tp harini sy jiwa2
emosi sedang memakan diri
saya jadi sepi.. dan sepi lagi

Monday, November 29, 2010

AKU.DIA.RAKAN2

perlukah menjauh dgn alasan
"xmo kaco korng. kn dah bahagia besama"
when all this while u guys had been
"wani jon this, jom that.. did u noe bout..... "
now all i heard is
"yalah, org 2 dah ad aixe kan...."

rarely heard
rarely talk
rarely hang out

wats my life current status?


i used 2 luv my life
i still am..
but i used 2 be dis carefree-do what i want-hang out with everyone- type og girl
now?
..........

they said, thye feel hepi 4 me..
good
they say im lucky 2 hv him
good
they say im happier now that im with him
good

they say dey dun want 2 hang out cuz kacau daun
MISTAKE
they say i owez went out with him only wen they x ajak me out?
MISTAKE
they say they r not needed wen i hv him wen i owez hv him b4
MISTAKE

this is d situation
before and after
which makes me pretty sad
n obviously im touched by d ignorance around...

used 2:
lepak 2gether
huhaa huhaa new story
tellin2 wats happening in life
talk bout dis gojes guy sumone just met
go karoke-ing till throat goes sore
eating 2gether...
cathing up with each other
laughing @ each other..

now?
no more


so bc 2 d conclusion....
he is d only one dat i hv left...
wont u understand why i spend most of my time dating?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

my hearts go la la la la...

JIWANG MODE: ON!

hahaha... ok i have 2 admit.. im more on the heart stuff lately... not because i malas want 2 update my activity(banyak kot!!)but cuz hearts matter matters these days...

do you know that song goes
"begini lamunan asmara
sehari bagaikan setahun ,lamanya
terpisah di saat rindu yg membara
kau jauh dari mata..."

amy mastura- lamunan asmara


dat is exactly what i felt currently. huh... missing dat person real bad!! i wish i can wrote da name but i cant!! T_T... he likes secrecy so i do respect his privacy...

if you do know suzzane's song's muah
sing it with me!!!

Sungguh aku sayang
Sungguh aku rindu
Ha ha ha usah kau ragu-ragu

Sungguh aku cinta
Sungguh aku mahu
Ha ha ha ku tidak malu-malu


Sayang oh sayang
Ku sayang kepadamu (muah)
Aku cintakan dirimu
Rindu oh rindu
Ku rindu padamu (muah)
Janganlah kau pergi dariku


Papa tolonglah (papa)
Mama tolonglah (mama)
Aku sedang mabuk cinta
Dengan si dia (ah ha)
Si jantung hatiku (ah ha)
Yang ku puja ku cinta selalu

Mama tolonglah
Papa tolonglah
Jodohkanlah aku dengannya

Hati hati yang merindu
Inginkan belaiannya
Hari hari yang berlalu
Indahnya ku rasakan
Jiwa jiwa (jiwa jiwa)
Ku meronta (ku meronta)
Bila jauh di sisimu (di sisimu)
Berjanjilah kasih
Berjanjilah sayang
Hanyalah aku di hatimu

Mama tolonglah
Papa tolonglah
Jodohkanlah aku dengannya

adoi.. im drunk!!
love drunk!!!!
OMG OMG OMG!!

kes parah dah daku nia....
isk3!


u!! me miss u!!!
<3

Sunday, November 14, 2010

my prayers for now

Ya Allah
Jika dia benar untukku
Dekatkanlah hatinya dengan hatiku
Jika dia bukan milikku
Damaikanlah hatiku
Dengan ketentuan-Mu

tiba-tiba kan??
tulah..
org slalu ckp
langit x slalunya cerah
ada masa mendung dan hujannya
laut x slalunya tenang
ada musim gelora dan monsoonnya
hati x slalunya berbunga
ada masa luka dan sakitnya..

eh? ade ke org ckp mcm aku ckp
ah biarkan....

hmm..
aku dah selalu sgt mcmni..
parahni..
mcm im losing my old self

keja tetep keja..
lab tetap lab
kelab tetap kelab
hidup rasa makin gelap

pretending is not something im good at
im usually good with honesty
being another person thats wasnt me..
huh.. this university had taught me the lesson of hypocracy

again.. im tumbling up and down
drowning in a word i myself created
wishing for a perfect everything..
but everything is just ist there in reality

u came fulfilling my fantasy
so i began to ask more and more
u brought my dreams to life

now im crushing it all again
bits to bits
only i can understand
im selfish i noe
but lets see how long u can keep up with me..
ive warned u i do...

think baby think....

im a mess to handle
hard but fragile
fun but sulky
hepi but blues
yup thats me

i demand a lot
i gave a lot
i want a lot..

huh..
i hate it when my heart got that crack2..
pedih wen i applied antiseptic 2 it..
sakit wen it heals
den dat crack crack again....
pain in the A** kan..
haisy..
wat 2 do.. fragile...
so i pray..

Ya Allah
Jika dia benar untukku
Dekatkanlah hatinya dengan hatiku
Jika dia bukan milikku
Damaikanlah hatiku
Dengan ketentuan-Mu

Friday, November 12, 2010

confession part 1

kau tanya padaku
apa pandangan ku padamu
aku tekedu
terdiam membisu
sebenarnya aku malu
malu mengungkap kata
merungkai bicara hati..
ahhh.. bukan kau tidak tahu
tp kita manusia perlu assurance & kanformasi
ak paham dan mengerti
maka terciptalah puisi ini

ini kata hati
lahir dari nurani
andai terkesan pada diri
hanya maaf ku dahului..

kau sabar
itu paling utama
kau cool itu yg kedua..
romantik? u can be..
but most importantly u c..
kau buat aku hepi...

runtun hati bila x jumpa
rindu nak bersua muka
hati jd gundah gulana
makan kenyang tp tdo x lena..

sensitif itu kurang...
emosi terluah kadang2..
rahsia tersimpan kedap x jarang...

kau perahsia aku tahu
lebih kurang misterius g2...
tapi itu yg attract aku
terasa ingin tahu & curious selalu
mcm hari2 ada surprise menunggu...
[LIKE]

hahaha...

sampai sini dulu part ini
kita sambung dilain kali
bukan mengelat selamatkan diri
cuma simpan kata2 utk di lain hari...

<3~

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

to be or not to be

i thought im d luckiest girl in the world wen i noe about it.
i noe.. pasan gla kan??
tp pecayalah im d hepiest gal on earth pd masa itu..

we hang out, we stare, we laugh, we share
we attend to each other desire
seeing u fulfill mine,
n seing me fulfill yours..

days get older
we grew mesra-er..
n d day neva had enough hour in our clock.

the holes in my heart r filled
as u fill my days with colors.
im hepi seyesly!!

den i get more demanding by d day
sory its in my nature
everything is not enough
but i want it..
like so bad..
but u got matters to attend to
stuff to do
beside being with me
i noe i ask a lot
yes im a fisherman now...
i sell fish!

im holding it all down now
im retrieving myself back
getting into my priority list
i want to get a grip of my life dat i lost sumwhere...

dang, can u at least gimme the strength 2 do it
i require attention, love n commitment
all those things dat u say u gv
deep inside ur heart where i couldnt c it..

dun wory
ill be owkey
i think
soon,
but not now
now im mending myself
even moo cant chill me

my forsaken heart that i took back...

Sunday, November 7, 2010

hati bentuk heart

heart shaped hati.. boleh x?? hahaha... curently in drunk state.. n craving 4 mo.. owez more!! OMG... LOVE DRUNK! hahahahahah..

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Lonestar - Im So In Love With You

everytime our eyes meet
this feeling inside me
is almost more than i can take
baby when you touch me
i can feel how much you love
and it just blows me away
ive never been this close to anyone or anything
i can hear your thoughts i can see your dreams

i dont know how you do what you do
im so in love with you
it just keeps gettin better
i wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side
forever and ever
every lil thing that you do baby im amazed by you

the smell of your skin
the taste of your kiss
the way you whisper in the dark
your hair all around me
baby you surround me
and touch every place in my heart
oh it feels like the first time everytime
i wanna spend the whole nite in your eyes

i dont know how you do what you do
im so in love with you
it just keeps gettin better
i wanna spend the rest of my life
with you by my side
forever and ever
every lil thing that you do baby im amazed by you

every lil thing that you do
im so in love with you it just keeps gettin better
i wanna spend the rest of my life
with you by my side
forever and ever

every lil thang that you do
ohh every lil thing that you baby im amazed by... you

p/s: akhir-akhirni jiwang sikit...
OMG.. im flying sky high...
kena berpijak di bumi yg nyata!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

im in luv...

mungkin pas ni kena stat dgr lagu sdg ingin bercinta, mungkin lepas ni akan pkai bj pink, mngkin pasni akan sentesa senyum memanjang..
mugkin pasni jadi satu coretan indah.. <3

Thursday, October 7, 2010

realiti atau fantasi

hah! i didnt noe how 2 put this..
lets just say im having a hard time this time separating reality fm fantasy!
OMG!!
Y?
explaination...

1. major love life progress (after being broken hearted 4 so long..)
2. a workshop well done- or so i say...(credits 2 aupa, acap, fuzah, dayah, liza, jannah n all demi-members)
3. change money currency 2 USD.. even lil high kot die pnya rate.. RM 3.14 per dolar
4. bought stuff 2 be eaten..^^ maggi mee im loving u!
5. visa approved!
6. claim granted!
7. new song intrigued me!
8. hanging out oh yeah-= succeeded!!
9. jalan2 a lot- credits 2 aizee
10. amek bmbar kos freely 2day!!


^^~ my day complete!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

a quote i like

If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? and If you wrong us, shall we not revenge? (William Shakespeare- died 23 April 1616)

i owez like this quote. it shows dat everything we do 2 people have effect.. example.. u throw a stone, ppl will hurt 2 3 times harder.. hmm.. what goes around comes around shud be the easiest way 2 explain it...

sumthing reminisce me to write this on my wall.. its an incident actually when a good fren of mine said he'll vomit @ the sight of my face! alah! go ahead la... like i care.. as long is my liver is hepi, im hepi..

im not mad actually.. its just dat its been a while since i majok wit him.. so i decided its time!! hahahaha.. ^_^

Monday, September 27, 2010

a conversation

a friend asked me sumthing one day...(more or less)
" r u in luv wit ***?"
"hell no!! why do u ask??"
"tell me da truth n b honest"
"honestly?"
"yup"
"NO!"
" c'mon!!"
"reeely im not"
"fine wat eva u say.. im not convinced!"
"im tellin u da truth!!"

at least that is what i felt dat time... my heart didnt go doki2 wen im wit ***.... neither wen i was thinking bout him so im guessing there is nothing... aish.... yala... its my own heart, i think i shud noe better.. its nothing like dat time...

mad? no im not.. its just dat im evaluating myself again after being asked. hurmm... ok, i do like him but not 2 d xtend of love?? wow!! love is a very powerful word.. even i dint dare 2 use it so much...play2 2 besa la... seyesly, i rarely meant those words... im a hypocrite, i know.. im very good @ being ms nice-but-not-so-nice-when-everyone's-not-around...

reevaluating myself makes me notice 1 thing. the way im showing affection to those i care can create confusion... shud i change the way iam?.. argh.. its getting awkward.. even just 2 think about it... huh.. thios is mentally challenging...

now everytime im alone im thinking bout this... silly? i know.. it just happens... y? idk... is it the words?
may b..
is it reality check?
could be..

by the end of the day.. i was left confused and confunded i guess.... maybe i should re think my action thus ppl wouldnt mistaken it to anything its not.. haisy... i want love.. but im not dat desperate.. lets say my fate is with him, i do accept.. happily! but 4 now, no.. i dun hv any candidates in mind.. but i do know he wasnt in my list...

tell me ppl... why shud i think this over and over again...
why shud i care on how ppl look at me?
wh shud i be like this??

argh,,, jiwwa kacau.. i guess...

Friday, September 17, 2010

bitter sweet raya..


i dont know why.. it always come up as a heavy matter 2 me wen it come 2 frens n family... dearest readers, its RAYA!!! Salam Eid! MAaf zahir batin! ^^~ owkey enough with the introduction... heres my side of story...
letme refresh back fm d momment i was far xited-2-death cuz finally im going back 2 sabah fm Tganu!! it was a blast!!! ^^~ but hres d details.. i went 2 book my ticket(actually just conforming- da tiket r bought by Sabah Fed-yeye sabah fed!!<< me luv u!!)i make my fred lost d chance 2 atted his FYP meeting.. later i know dat there were several problem 2 d FYP dat he is doing(dear god, i think i sinned) AIZEE, sorrri!!! dat s all i could sa.. me is feeling guilty... wuwuwuwuwuw.... silly me... aint i... he said dun wory' xda papa', but i just... @ the bottom of my heart i just know iam one of d reason he missed d meeting... T____T...

later dat i know dat i miss looked my presentation date causing me to stay back in da university one extra day!!! OMG!! its me being silly!! i know.... thankfully i got FUZAH staying back wit me( she just couldnt stand seeing me being lonely-sweeeeeeet!!!)<< me luv her>> <3~

den.. luckily my fl8 fm KT 2 KL 2 all good w/o hassle... but!! my fl8 fm KL- KK got prob.. dlayed so late dat i break my fast in da car(x smpat smpi rumah-sedih... br mo sungkai awal kan..)n i missed my plan 4 d day(i need 2 do my passport).. aisehmen... 3 jam pulak tu i was stuck @ KLIA!!!---> bengang cuz reeeeely wanan go home at dat momen.. oomma poguspo!!!

raya??
its a blast i shud say!! i enjoyed this yer raya mo den years b4.. went raya-ing till lewat malam-awl pagi.. meeting old friends, catching up with each other... i just missed d momments n im hoping 2 do it again.. meeting up wit cousin(cant believe haw fast time flies-theyre big!!)^^~ meeting other people.. cooking, eating great food... bla2.... anyways its was awesome!!!


going back 2 university!! this suck!! i got assignments waiting 2 be done!! FYP, Lab report, OMG.. SIFE, DEMI, Programmes.. its cramming my days.. but dats wat i like.. me being busy..oww. n my PROPOSAL!!! lots 2 be mend... just did bout 10% last holiday... silly me.. i know.. play2 jak.. tida mau buat kerja.. anyway i book i neva miss n look forward! FACEBOOK!!<3 neva grow tired of it....

now on my way back 2 KT, im stuck bout 3 hours @ KKIA.. my fl8 got delay cuz of d shitty weather.. aigo!!!!! im sooo tired of waiting !! this airport is cold n hard n lonely.... wuwuwuwuwuwuw!!! get me my DCB quick2!! make it TCB even beter!!!

to make things even interesting, my flight was delayed up to d extend of 5 hours!! another 2 hours on board.. the air is stuffy, n feels suffocating!! bout 8 pm den we went up n away 2 KL...

arrived @ kl, theres another prob.. my last flight 2 tganu went away redy.. figures.. since its about 11.20pm by dat time... owwkey... 'your nex flight would be @ 8.00am 2moro" i got no luggage, no toiletries, no nothing!! omost scream!! i just wanna go back 2 my uni!!! no more plz!!! " u can stay @ PAN PACIFIC 2nie"<< sudenly it didnt sounds so bad.. keh3..... LOL! silly me aint it??

skalinya pegi dat particular hotel mo chek in pon taking bout an hour! sudala jauh jalan kaki(though it was in da same building) kin panas!!(hangin satu badan) sampai2 di bilik, luckily my room was great, bath tub, queen size bed, flat screen tv,, shud i ask 4 mo??? hahahah....

but my mind is not at ease @ all.. wanted 2 go back 2 uni!! like now!!!! dun want dis luxury!! want 2 be in my room up in kayangan @ 5th floor...

da next day, i check out @ 6, grab bfast @ Eraman..skalinya flight delay lg 4 another half an hour!!! panas!!!!! by d end of da day, nsb bek smpai tganu!!!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Another bad day... - FYP presentation


owkey.. my bad.. im a last minute person... i know... but this is like bad..
i got my FYP presentation yesterday..(one of the reason y i stayed in hostel late..)figures!! it was a disaster!!!

Protien profiling of hydrophobic protien from amebocyte lysate of T.Gigas... dats my proposal... basically its to isolate hydrophobic protien( membranbound) an 2 characterize those bu mr n charge.... its sounds easy 2 understand rite.. iduno y those lecturer asked me bout those un related stuff!!
aisy!!

u c... if my friends got shot.. i cot bombed!!! thats how bad my presentation is... T_T.. lifes un fair!!

holidey is comin 4 me.. raya wanted 2 say hi! but im still depressed.. aigoo!! cheer up lah me!!! ts just a proposal. ok maybe u screw a very important presentation.. what can u do now is just work harder.. theres nothing u can do to change the result of everything taht happened. like moms said.. redha... >_< still my liver is in pain!!!

a very bad day...


this actually hepen end of last month.. i was miserable! okey hres d story

i had a test dat morning so dat nite i stayed up late, pulling all niter! at the same time im finishing up some personal work... truth to be told, i went out dat nite.. meronggeng... not to say dat im a very carefree person its just dat the work load rely get in2 me n i need sum place n time 2 calm myself up so dat i can continue n fight... i went out bukak posa n return around 1 i guess.. den started my usual fesbuking, updating everything, peeking trough ppls pages.. ah.. so called un related 2 study but very important unusefool stuff! it keeps me awake by the very least... okey(continue)

dat morning after sahur i decided 2 take a very very very short nap(cuz my kepala cannot take it anymo! den i wake up tekejut wen i saw the time! omost 8.30!! my test @ 10. i havent fin d slides!!(got 2 mo ppt if im x mistaken)i pun rush2 pg mandi... toilet occupied!! both!! aiseh.. mmg potong mood! i was frustrated.. so i fesbuk sum mo... later i saw my watch 9 oredi!!! omg!!!! den i go shower...

going 2 fetch my fren down stairs,.. den i realized i forgot ,my phone.. so i go back up again.. mind u my fren's room is in 2nd floor while mine in 5th floor!!! tired2 den go jalan kaki 2 KK fm hostel... it was a very! long walk!!!!

wen i answer d test.. pain liver!! i read that part oredi but i cant recall!!! aiseh men! why la why this test.. howla my dream of getting dekan dis sem... im seing it running away.. n im chasing.. its like da dream is using ferari n im stuck wit mini cooper.. fancy yeah but aint as fast...

after test i was soo sleepy.. i open lappy try 2 finisgh my presentation sides.. after 20 min i guess..(posa kan)i pun hit da sack..(x sdar) i woke up 5.30 oredi... den i think2.... wat did i miss?? OMG i got FYP presentation @ 2.30!!!! i ova slept!!! D. Azna will b furious!! omg2!! T_T what hepen to me!!!!!! wuwuwuwuwuwuw... hate this!!

T_T... its a very bad day.. n it all hepen on 31 august.. a way 2 celebrate independence ey...
sigh....

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

sekadar renungan.


Br mnggu ini sy terima berita. sAHABAT SY YG CERIA TERKOCOH2 BALIK KERUMAH MENERIMA PANGGILAN KECEMASAN. perkhabaran yang diterima sgt kurang menyenagkan. Tp, kt harus pasrah..Setiap yang hidup pasti akan mati. Hmm itu realiti kehidupan masa kini. mungkin hari ini sahabat, kakak, adek, abang atau sesiapa sahaja kelihatan ceria, sihat dan bertenaga. Siapa tahu, mungkin esok dia jadi tiada.. Tuhan lebih menyayanginya. Kita sayang dia jugak... Namun ketentuan yang telah ditetapkan Rabbi, dan tiada siapa yang dapat menghalangnya. Jika Allah berkehendakkan hidup, maka hiduplah. Jika Allah mahukan hambanya kembali, maka kembalilah hamba itu ke sisiNya. Seperti mana firmanNya :

“Setiap yang bernyawa akan menemui kematian.”(Al Anbia :35)

“Sesungguhnya mati yang kamu ingin lari daripadanya itu ia akan menemui kamu.” (Al Jum’ah :8)

Sedekahkan Al-Fatihah kepadanya, dipanjatkan doa kesejahteraan moga-moga rohnya diredhai Allah, Yang Maha Kuasa.

Friday, August 13, 2010

my 100th post!! yay!!!



hahaha... the time had come!! i never thought i wrote this much but hey?! i guess wat? i made it 2 my 100th post!! okey.. there are several things i want to share.... 1stly theres 1 song i just realized i like yesterday



its sixth sense - yang sempurnakanku!
the song is tottaly sweet!! even though im x in luv just yet, i totally luv the song!

here d lyric:

Kawlah bidadari dalam hidupku
Yang selalu hadir di dalam mimpiku
Bunga yang selalu harungi hariku
Anugerah tuhan yang sempurnakanku

Bila kau jauh
Aku selalu rindu
Bila kau ada
Hatikan berbunga

Ku akan selalu menjadi bintangmu
Menerangi gelap dan mimpimu
Aku setia di sini mengusap tangismu
Menerangi sunyi di hatimu

Bila kau jauh
Aku selalu rindu
Bila kau ada
Hatikan berbunga

Ku akan selalu menjadi bintangmu
Menerangi gelap dan mimpimu
Aku setia di sini mengusap tangismu
Menemani sunyi di hatimu

hahaa.. i noe its a bit poyo but hey.. wats not 2 like?? i can be like this at times.... hehehehe :3



second is i just watched valentine's day. i know its sooo last season but i jjust watched it... (late la me i noe...) the only thing i like in the muvies is the actor n actress.. stong i must say. anna hathaway, julia roberts, aston kutcher, emma roberts, taylor lautner(OMG!!) taylor swift, jessica alba n d list goes on... wat more 2 ask!! if only the script is mo dramatic or sum sort... haish..... wat a waste..(*rugi lor!!)



thirdly.. its fasting season.. time 4 more ibadah n 4 sure time 4 watch ur weight food n deeds! its the time of the year again when people will b crazy with food, buying new clothes, purchasing new shoes n handbags... n yes! raya @aidilfitri is coming this way!!! in ramadhan bazzar, scrumtious food n colorful drinks r waiting!! yum3! the deeds in this holy month will be doubled! so everyone lets pray 4 blessing n yes, every deeds counts!!! twice! ^^~

cheers n hepi fasting!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

found this on the net n i cant stop laughing!!

1. A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password for their computer.
Her husband put 'mypenis' and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause it said, "Error. Not long enough." .

2. A girl needs a blood transfusion, so her boyfriend gives her his. Months later they break up, and he wants his blood back. So she hands him a tampon and says she'll make monthly payments.

3. Mom: "What kind of site were you on?"
You: "YouTube, Facebook, nothing unusual."
Mom: "Then why did you close it so quickly when I walked in?"
You: "Because I can."

4. A blonde txted me and asked "what does *IDK* mean" and i txt back "i don't know" then she wrote .. "Gosh! nobody knows!"

5. Boy friend: "Who's the guy that hurt you?? im gonna kill him!"
Girl friend: "Well u might as well commit suicide"...

6. MOM: if all your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump too?

KID: mom, my friends arent idiots.

7. "Mom...I'm bored"
"Ok, if you're so bored why don't u clean this..."
"Never mind I found something to do."

8. "EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" *answers phone* "Hi Mommy :)"

9. Mom, im 16 now. Can I have a Bra? ...No, Justin.

10. A man asked a genie to make him a billion times smarter than any man on earth, so the genie turned him into a woman.

p/s no 10 is my fav!!!

Monday, July 26, 2010

bz2.. padahal bukan wat apa pn...








to tell u d truth, i didnt feel dat d tyme flies dat fast at incredible rate... im in my third yer oredi... hehehe.. hepi seniors r graduating, me?? nex yer...Insya Allah... wen i c d yelllow scarf, im jelous like hell! how i wish i hv those 2!! im workin my ass off year after year(ofkos last minute, but i did work!) still hasnt get even a glimpse of dat particular scarf...haish!! howla imma make my parents hepi if like this?? aish!its been a lot that happened.. these are among the busiest week ive had ever..




1. SIFE UMT in SMNE 2010

little that i know that wed b dissapointed, not going 2 make it tru d final, hey, watever happened, happens.. hell yeah.. after that long hours of practicing, performing presenting.. weve kicked ass in last SMNE.. c'mon.. hw many of us even think about a lil nobody like UMT come 2 d final n give a good fight! hehehe...im proud of what we did! fellow sifers, be proud! weve done our best but luck wasnt by our side... hm.. congratulation UiTM!! ive watched ur video n i say i love the ming zha project! hey speaking honestly.. ive learnt a lot fm u guys.. i relly mean a lot! 2 SIfE UMS N UTP, dun wury! well come back 4 more of these xcitement l8r! continue changing peoples life!! in SIFE UMT we believe in heling community, we heal ouur self! great job everybody! arul, adnan, raihah, aizee, eija, ita, ecah, fuzah, ustaz, ustazah, mdm azza, dr noraini, zupa, ilham , rio, ain, apih,abg anas, yudha,diana, farah, n all fellow sifers! thnk u! n weve done our best!! u guys r d winner in ma heart!!


2. DEBAT ALAM SEKITAR (DAS)
hey UMT os being d host again!! pity 2 noe that we hadnt had enough man pwr on our side! cmon just finshd wit SMNE i rushed 2 this pulak.. bapak sgt byk gla kerja mas 2.. i wuz like OMG.. melayang2 kesana kemari.. tambahan kesihatan x mengizinkan.. masa 2 demam panak yg truk sore throat pn teruk.. skipping class, postphoning presentation.. haisy.. TAHNIAH kepada DEMI UMT! berjaya jugak kt menganjurkan pertandingan debat yg geren ini! heheheeh..jgn lupa as i said MINTAK BLAZER! huhu.. helmy, din, riz, kahalil, ada, wawa, alia,amar, fifi, liza, hajar, hanim, farouk,azwan, hari, syima, wan, aupa, acap, hanita, siva, ravisya, durga, purnima,jannah! truskan usaha anda! sya sgt syg korng sume< motip nih... 2 bi debaters yg telah menjayakan kita pnya open debate, "PAUL SHULD BE OOOKED??" tahniah sume.. biarpun agak rusted at least u guys x stubmle in n out... hehehehehe....



3. GCB @ McD
ari 2 bosan2 bukak fb n 'pap'!tiba2 sumting caught my eye.. yes!!! its the advertisment column!! daku tros berpaling ke arah itu.. GCB a new biting xperience.. lantas daku bergolek2 di atas katil membayangkan nak makan DCB.. 10 menet pas 2 fuzah call! " wani jom McD nan aupa.." i punya la hepi br berangan da dpt! yesh!!!! GCB here i come.. rasanya boley than tp p[refer DCB better!! chezze yg melt vs sour cream pepper.. sah2 ak pilih chezzze!!! muax2 2 fuzah n aupa sbb sentesa tawu pae yg mermain di hati ku.. kekekekeke....


4. Ieja's bday party celebration

hahaha.. kesian ieja di prank kitorng... di tngaalkn di kedai makn sorng2 sejam lamanya. kakakak... sgt lawat tp beasala kan.. ieja mntak ampun dr hujung rmbut smpi kuku jari kaki.. sifers u guys r a blast!!

5. LI report
report ni menyebabkan ak besengakang mata selama 2 malam berturut2. alhamsulillah segalanya dapat disiapkan... sakit mata woo.. org len buat sebulan ak wat 2 hari! amek ko! nsb bek okey kalo tak, nangis air mata darah pn blom tentu siap.. ahahaha


itula antara cita yg mnyebabkan daku bz mcm nak mampos ini... haisy!!! hahahaha.. mungkin daku perlu lebey bertenaga.. tepaksa minom kaip fatimah la ni kot... muhahaahahah.. kepada suma senior yg telah bergraduat TAHNIAH!!! abg wan, kak huda, kak faz, jijah, james, manu, pasha, aizat!! congratz u guys!! wawawa.. dapat keje karang blanja makan plz!! hahahahaha....
sekarang tibalha masa yg ditunggu2 sebelum byk asaimen disoh wat ak nak wat asaimen ke lkelantan dulu.. jom kwn2 kt meronggeng!!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Life wiTh SIFE



i havent got much of a time 2 tell wats happening but keeping this short, heres wat hepen.. weve done projects n all n its d time 4 d PRESENTATION.. it kills me 2 noe dat our presentation is not yet cmpleted n i havent learned my script well.. neva the less.. i dun wat 2 bring other ppl down bcuz of me, so i need 2 be here till the end of my wit...aiyayaya... this isnt an easy task..->>> headache<<-

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Friday, May 28, 2010

MANDI-MANDA



hipokritnya aku.. kuar 1st tyme, kena air pun ak x mo.. skali turun 2nd tyme, jgn ckp air, aku siap menyelam trus.. dtg2 trus mandi plak 2.. hahahaha.. sgt lucu!! mandi 1st tyme 2 byk halangan.. ramai pulak 2 kaum adam.. segan la pulak.. suala org ak minat pun ada skali.. kontrol la beb... 2nd tyme 2 pegi ngan staff so ok kot.. sbb dorng suma sua kawin .. adala sorng tp dat one mmg impossible 2 get.. hahaha. sgt lucu kan.... yalordr k terhangat di pasaran.
ada rupa, ada harta, tinggi plak 2.. budi pn baek... humor kepala gila sama mcm kamiorng.. hahahaa.. mmg terhangat n rebutan lah... ah, cni juga kenal ramai member2 baru.. wani skuter, syaiful, ramzy, ebak(ehem), en. azrul(nak ais kacang free satu!, eiji. syah.. aisy..ramai pula kalo nak sebut satu2... aisy... hahaha.. tp mmg best n sonok... hoyeh2....

Friday, May 7, 2010

AktiViti Li




LI kali ni boley tahan ar bestnya... ktorng terasa sgt d blessed masa li ni.. ada ramai org yg sporting2.. pas 2 da pekerja yg agak chomel(hehehehe) n cute... mmg cuci mata la... hehehe.... keja d ladang lembu kami buat byk benda... 1st kami pg unit agromnomi wat lanskap... trus kerja buruh tarik pagar ni.. ak nda sngka ak bleh buat tp mmg ak bleh buat pun.. hehehe.. 2nd week kami d ladang lembu.. kandang jak sbnrnya... lawat jak ladang 2... cuci kandang, kasi makan, rawatan lembu sakit... isk.. mmg takut kerja ni.. x sesuai pompuan buat.. ganas2 itu lembu.. baka luar negara kan.. susa owh....suda la besar, tinggi n kuat lagi.. buli melayang nyawa owh kalo kn tandang @ sondol.. aiyooo.... kami cillect semen dia... taw ka apa 2 semen? air mani bha.. bikin geli?? itu la yg kami buat seminggu.. kasi ghairah lembu, pastu curi air man.. tp lembu cni mcm homo suda.. sbb yg dia naik kalo dia heat 2 lembu jantan..(teda betina -nnti bunting 2 kena rogol secara paksa kalo kami lmbat collect semen)hahaha.. kami lum blajar lg proses semen. nnti mnggu ke 4 br la.. eh mnggu ni la 2.. well mnggu depan.. yg pnting nnti masa abis mnggu ni la.. hehehe..tus last week(dis week la 2) kami d kandang kambing pula.. best ni... rutin sama.. kasi bersih kandang, kasi makan, tp best sbb kasi bagi susu sama anak kambing, belai2... johnny, tommy bobby, kakak, adik- kakak wani misses u!! perah susu kambing(panas2 ni), potong kuku kambing collect semen kambing pun kami buat.. heheh.... post mortem kambing mati pun kami buat... gla la.. basunya.. tuhan jak yg tawu.. hehehe.. sabar jak kami!!
d kandang kambing 2 ada sekor kambing yg d lepas bebas.. namanya c buncit sbb dia mmg buncit!! kerja dia makan jak ni! isk2... haha.. lucu ni dia.... kih3...dia jinak kami slalu p syg2 dia.. ak rasa dia lupa suda yg dia 2 kambing sbb slalu kawan sama manusia jak..tp tebarus tul ni.. suma dia telan glove pun di makannya.. huhu... turuk tul ni... hihuihhi... pas 2 dia suka lari2 so kami pn men kejar2 la ngan dia slalu.. hehehehe... siok ni.... em.. pas ni msti rindu kandang sbb mo stat kerja d lab yg bosan 2 sua kan.. hehehe... ah~ 1 mo thing yg best cni kami ddk ruma sendiri so sukati kami jak mo buat apa d ruma 2.. hihihiu.. ski!!!\(^0^)/
ADA PLAN NI KAMI MNGGU NI SBB CUTI LAMA KAN.. 3HAri bha cuti... mo pg Lata Meraung ni!! hehe.. bermandi manda, bbq, n mcm2 lagi!
ak sua buat puding.
ain su perap ayam.. jadi la ni!! hehehe....

Monday, April 19, 2010

aku azira ain dan LI



hari ni ak stat LI(sptutnya semalam tapi br stat ari ni- semalam serah kunci jak..)
semalam membersihkan rumah mcm org gila... katanya br tinggalkan semalam tapi da macam tnggal bertahun2.. isk2... tensi la pulak... setelah berpenat lelah setengah hari membasuh rumah (bagus! akhirnya siap) aku trus tido.. penat!! x tahan! arini bgn awal dgn debaran mo punch card.. skali tgk kad kami blum buat lagi...(wuwuwuwu) sedih..... tp xpa.. kami dibagi taklimat.. wuuuuyoooo kena masuk kandang 3 minggu, kerja lab lagi... wawawa.. cabaran.. tp x pa itu yg kami suka... hehehehehe....

crita pasal mo dtg cni nasib kami baik ada hamba allah yg membantu di waktu kesusahan.. kak ida, en. sudin& anak2nya n plg penting syikin(tqvm!!)dorngla yg tlg antakan pegi tempatni.. huhuhu.. nasib baik sebab tempatni sgt jauh dr jerantut bout 30 min kot nek keta... dah la bagitompang dkt jengka 14 1 malam..tqvm!! muax!

hari kami sampai tekanan! sebab teda dapur gas!omg!! mau dapur gas la!!! penting 2! mesti keluar tp mcm mn?? mungkin boleh mntak tlg supervisor(hik3)hahahaha! ^^~
ah~ tong gak dah digolekkan ke dalam rumah.. maksudnya sua buli masakla!!... heheheh...

Saturday, April 17, 2010

packing n LI

currently packing 4 2moro LI
furnished this l8r..

now im furnishing... oh my god! can you belive it? 3 box 4 books n papers
2 box for other things(iron, heater etc..)
1 box for shoes
1 box for stationary and files
2 more box tupperware and glass and cup
1 bag of soft toys
1 bag of comforter n pillow
1 bag of clothings
1 luggage 4 li
1 bag(a big one) for shoes n all

i cant believe my self.. this is even more than last year!!!
idk where on earth these stuff come from! goodness gracious!
i need 2 watch out my spending oso!! dang!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

im letting you go..



good bye brother
good bye for good
i free you today
assume you understood

dear brother,
i luv u for life
but this had happened
and what we did is not wise

i see it coming
but i didnt care
cuz i luv u brother
for love all i have to share

we laugh brother
you love to tease
shed tears together
but now it had ceased

were stuck in different border
for pur principal divide
we avoid each other
blaming on things we dont know which one is right

silence is your savior
telling is my cure
we can never be together
for there might be war

ill cherish d memories
d time we spend
time we took 2 disscuss
n time we make amend

forgive me brother for pulling you in
into a situation i dont think youll understand
now im pulling you out never be within
for the sake of our relation
a gift for you from a good friend

im letting you go now brother
for every time im with you i will cry
you are cruel to me brother
but i still love you and that i cant deny

family forgive and forget
so that i will try
true, im disappointed dear
put tons of affection to you brother
but it all ends as i cry
thus now the tears has to end

im crying dear brother
im hurting inside
you were there but you just dont care
tell me brother
why should i left you a spare
when you are not there
not even stare

you shine so bright brother
it sting me in the eye
now my sight are blurry
n i cant see clearly
my hope for you brother
may u be happy and smile brightly
for u brother, that ill pray

look to ones heart brother
for there youll find a lot
things you cant see dear
things that must be told

bye bye brother,
im serious this time
it feels so foul
like im doing crime
but i have no choice brother
for the greater good of everyone
for this is my chance to say good bye

this heart is broken
it need to be fixed
require special attention
require special need

god bye brother i release you free,
for this family i must stay
may you find your happiness
for it did not lie with me

if you forget me i will not be mad
dont worry brother
i always have your back
so please dun be sad
dont even hesitate

this is reckless brother
but this is the road i choose
i cant hold on to you dear
for holding bring me despair..

the time has come for this to end
gud bye to you my brother
now with no line intact
were no longer family
from now on were just friends..

thank you for everything brother
though you are no longer family
youre still my friend

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Hepi besday 2 both of my ruma8s!!!







i luv u guys so we hv a lil celebration..
haha
2 kak anes n anis, hepi besday
god bless
it a a long journey to get da cake in the first place
talk bout long distance walking fm shahbandar 2 secret recipe(gla kan?))\
but 4 u dearest, neva mind.. luckily got kak khalisah!!
wuwuwuw
tqvm!!
haha
walking tru so many blocks, passed tru astaka n kiliney, den the furniture blocks, dang! its a hell of a long walk!
den on da way back its raining(bagus! !!)great! n we run tru d rain like crazy! hahaha.. neva the less its a good experience! hehehe....
tqvm 2 all!!
4 d besday gurls
>kak anes
- heppi VIVA-ing
- study2 final!!
- gudlak on ur coming master ^^~
-i luv u
- jgn sengal lagi!!
-sila jd matang!

>anis nadilla
-bangon tdor!!
-kem slm cikgu(ckp rum8 plg comel kem slm- tnye ade kwn ensem x?)
-smoga pnjang umo murah rezki
- tgk2 taun dpan pn kte rum8.. kekekeke.....
- i luv u!!
- gud lak final!!!

cheers~ waney!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

im complicated

i tell lies
i noe
i do it most of d time

hypocrite?
mayb thats me
reality should be damn

here d truth im complicated

when i said left me alone
i want ppl 2 give me sum space but check on me plz i may do sumtin stup*d
when i say nothingla
i want 2 say but i hesitate... taking everything 2 consideration
when i say let it be
i reeeeeellllly mean it... dun paster me..
wen i dun look u in d eye
sumthing is sooo wrong
whem im x smiling
make me smile again its so not me 2 be sour
when i said im gonna be ok
i may not, depending on d situation
usually ill be
wen i say i cry
means dat my pillows r wet my eyes r puffy n my lids hurts..
when i said its ok
it reely dont!
wen i say im hurt
i reeeely am!
wen i said i miss u
i reely do
wen i said i hate u
i want u to console me
wen i said no biggie
it is big!!
wen my face is not showing its glow
sumtin must hapen 2 me
wen im out laughing n cming back crying
mens dat i tried so hard 2 satisfy everyone
i cant take the lies anymo
wen i say 4get it
i want 2 4get it but it keep poping up
wat shud i do?

im complicated
im twisted
im wrecked

letih


LETIH
hanya itu dapat ku ucap. haha.. this part of me went out often these days.. days wen were left 4goten n alone.. mayB its the cruel reality, mayB its just me. icant say. what ever it is it impacted my life real big. i cant feeel the same way before. i want to be the WANI im used 2 b. d hepi, prob free, things could b fixed, confident WANI. . dat WANI i like. now im sloppy, depressed, and all the bad things that can b said. y?? im asking myself the same question. some ppl are just 2 thick... i dunt thik dat a snapshooter PG-17 can pass trough. nor the m16..... hmm.. hw could i say this, they cant realize their own action. then start blamming other ppl. GOD, i rely need a getaway(which i cant get now since i missed it-by sumone) i want 2 talk, i dun hv d chance. my heart ache. it sting.. im hurt my eyes hurt, my vision stared 2 blurr... my tears flooding my lids... i blinked, hope ill go away.. but it didnt. rarely i want 2 do this but some how 4 d time it occurs like its a routine in my life. to as bad as dat.. what did anyone done to me? part fm forgetting?
i dont know..
pretending im not there when iam. passed by saying nothing, seeing nothing,smiling 4 nothing.accused bad. work bad. scolded bad.
im trying reely hard 2 get a grasp of my self now.. im afraid i cant. i must do this. i noe. but i dont noe how...
im almost lost. caught by insecure and dark loneliness. sum said its just a thing 4 2nd yer. ill pass.. but it been long oredi.. when will it pass?
my eyes sting now.. it hadnt stop 4 a while. my rum8s r getting edgy... wut can i do? crying every nite 4 d past 2-3 week ago had beed a part of me.. my eyes, im soory 4 makin u work ova time..
my heart is broken.. need 2 be mend
need 2 be heal
fren in need is fren indeed
but...
what gives, who cares..
there2 eye... quit it mow..
head says stop, heart says pour!
like rain in d storm
like the broken pipe at sideways
like shower without the handle
it cant b stop.

im emo i noe...
dats y there r 2 sides of WANI. this side should be repressive. not shown.. but now im displaying it like a model on runway. dats how bad iam.
idun think(or mayB cuz i cant)i last this long
they say time heals
n im waiting...

my heart, i noe u suffer d most. i noe wat ur feelin. i noe ur sufferings n torment. i understand ur need. but its impossible 2 gain. sumtime momments just never come back no matter how hard u wish 4 it.. my aching heart desire euthanasia, let it die in peace.. mayB a heartless person will make me a better one since heart matter is hard 2 tell, hard 2 say hard 2 guess..
end this long parody of sadness...

Saturday, March 20, 2010

hal aku kesah..(hati aku kan....)(atau mungkin mengarut semata-mata)

cerita 1: dulu aku tak kenal cadbury, bila kenal aku suka. sweet gila... aku suka cadbury lbh dr aku suka vochelle. tp tanpa vochelle aku bukan sapa2. itu kisah dlu.. aku masih setia pada vochelle. walau apa pn terjadi. aku tetap sokong vochelle. dalam vochelle ada juga kacang yg aku x suka.. aku ska hazelnut, cashew, roast almond, len2 mcm fruit n nuts aku kureng byk.... mungkin sebab aku lebih suka milk choclate.. aku mc setia dgn vochelle biarpun aku suka cadbury... tp rupa2nya cadbury boleh bagi caries yg lagi teruk dr vochelle. mungkin sebab fruit dia melekat kat gigi tanak hilang walau diberus..aku sakit.... mungkin aku tamak mahu vochelle n cadbury.. tapi aku suka keduanya... tensi..... mungkin aku better off sticking wit vochelle, poket pn x kering mo beli smpai 2 kan...

cerita 2: aku sangat suka nokia.. kalau ada papa hal mesti aku guna nokia aku.. tiba2 nokia aku buat hal ngan aku.. mo baiki tp nnti x ori sudah... tp dia mc berfungsi, cuma tidak sebest dlu.... tp aku syg nokia wlupn dia saja x mo aku guna.... biarpun dia buang tebiat kdg2, aku ttp syg nokia.. nokia aku kin panas pn aku ttp syg nokia... bukan aku x boleh guna sonyE baru aku tp.. aku mc syg ngan nokia

cerita 3: aku suka kokokrunch duo, tp bru aku tau kokokrunch dua x sesedap kokokrunch biasa. mungkin taste aku len. mungkin itu kebenaran. tapi entah, lepas beberapa kali try kokokrunch duo aku rasa rasa dia overpower yg lagi satu(putih overpwr hitam).. x sync.... mungkin aku perlu stick nyan kokokrunch dua.(slama aku mkn trix ok jak.. lg byk kale dlm trix 2..)

cerita 4: dulu aku suka baju byk2... tp bila lama2 baju byk ni susah mo basuh.. lagi2 kalo baju rurun kale effek satu lagi.... haish.. tp aku syg suma baju2 aku walau ada bj dengki ngan baju satu lagi.. aku harap boleh pakai byk2 mcm dlu...

cerita 5: aku rindu bambangan n sambal belacan... mungkin sini ada budu, bambangan tetap no 1!! pilihan hati.. ah aku rindu kicap cap ayam juga wlupn cni ada kicap jalin!!

*cerita hanya rekaan semata-mata, menghibur hati lara..

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

aku sakit lagi..


aku tahu, agak tidak matang untuk meluahkan perasaaan dalam blog tapi itu antara reason utama knp aku menulis blog pd walnya. kpd pembaca. maaf post akhir2 ini sangat tidak intelektual tp ah... persetankan itu semua. semalam aku ada sesi heart2 heart yg aku kira effectif sedikit berbading dlu2.. suasana terkawal, aku senang, n selesa.. dia? ntah, tp aku kira dia pn sama. cuma resah sedikitla... tp tolak ke tepi. mungkin suma salah aku. aku tak tahu. mungkin hanya perasaan semata. tapi... aku tak bohong... suma ak ckp benda betol..aku salah ka biala ckap benda betul? bila pernyataan aku calit cat di muka mereka atas apa yg mereka buat salah aku ka?? itu interpretasi org len. fine. salah aku.. aku terima. tp masa 2 aku buntu.. aku perlu luahkan segalanya. masa 2 hanya ada 2 kemungkinan. aku jd nanar atau buka pekung di dada... aku pilih jalan mudah.. aku tak mahu jd nanar .. aku tak mahu jd gila... aku buka pekung didada... maaf.. itu jak yg ak boleh ckp. sebab hidup aku perlu diteruskan. aku tak mahu rasa terbeban. kepada sesiapa yg terkesan. maaf. masa 2 aku ckp trus terang ini hanya luahan perasaa. mereka sahabat, mereka rakan. aku tidak mampu untuk berdepan dgn seorng sahabat n st8 2 d face ckp ' ur ignorance make me b this way, this bad, this tired'.... were aldults. adults didnt like 2 take orders. cuz adults r suppose 2 b sensitive enough 2 understand, to observe, to interprete. u should understand. i didnt hv enough hand, ask wat can u do? dun wait 4 me 2 gv orders. dun hope.. do stare blankly. u noe wat 2 do.. kemas kk, rubbish, arangement of finals, keep ur mentees 2 watch d final, keeping in good shape. wen i c u guys dat tired, i cant bear myself 2 do wat i say u think i should. u hv ur own restriction. say, im hard 2 please, i can be a real *****, but still i noe im nice. then, lemme ask u one thing, do u or do u not hv eyes, ears , sense, n guilt c-ing me in dat pathetic condition while im putting my fake face on 2 please everyone... ?nah~ mayB u dot, mayB u hv... wat u do? nothing... im not mad anymo bcuz of dat, im cool now. cuz i had let it all go at dat time.. which i need 2... and u said im wrong? wrong 2 express my feeling, wrong 2 express d truth.. did i lie? obviously no! n u actually mad for the fact that i tell everyone d truth. because it makes u look bad? because they now know what happen exactly? truth is bitter but face it, its a fact! tell me where did i do wrong? those r my friends, the only ones i have since i cant talk 2 nobody else.. i have no one here remember? i have my own reason why i feel it is best to talk to them.. n who are you to judge me? i do the work! so like my heart i can talk! ah~ i will surely xplain mo l8r but now.. i need 2 go~

Thursday, March 4, 2010

takdir. ketidakadilan. penat. kecehewa. sakit hati

mungkin sudah takdir. tak dapat balik beraya, tak dapat blik tgk kubur matua. org ckp hidup macam pantai. ombak tak tentu pasang surutnya. sentiasa berubah.tapi, bila badai melanda, semua jadi terumbang ambing. aku cuba paut pada sesuatu, aku tak tahu bila tp rupaya dia makan diri aku. aku bukanlah orang yg mengunakan org len utk kesenangan sendiri. aku tak suka berjanji kalau sukar untuk aku tepati. mungkin salah aku sebab aku yg alpa dalam kesibukkan diri. yalah. mungkin orang tak nampak kan.. tp itulah lumrah kejadian sebenar. tatak semua perkara yang dirancang itu jadi. tak semua perkara itu pasti. tapi aku kecewa, bila ada mereka yg aku rasa patut di sula. sakit hati bila ketidakadilan berlaku. rasanya semua falls atas aku. mcm aku sorng sj yg wujud dan boleh melakukan semuanya. tp aku pasrah, suara ku bukan seperti mereka, mungkin pada mereka aku tak perlu utk dihormati, takperlu didengari tak perlu diikuti.aku pasrah. biarlah apa pn terjadi aku tetap sayangkan mereka mcm famili sendiri. yalah.. aku dah jauh sekarang.. i hv nobody.. merkalah hidup aku. sekali, dua, tiga dan seterusnya... sakit lagi.. mungkin aku yang terlalu sensitif, mungkin aku yang terlalu baik. mungkin topeng perlu dialihkan sekarang. sebelum keadaan parah. tp 4 real, aku pasrah. dalam kesibukkan kerja yang tak sudah, pasti ada kecelaruan dan ketidakpuasan hati. aku masih begini. ingat buat cool tp sampai bila... kerja last minit dah jd satu ikon wajib. kesannya aku terima saban hari. sibuk, sakit hati dan tak tahu nak buat apa..mungkin orng lain tgk aku mcm robot, takrasa apa2. lapar makan,penat tidur. tapi mereka lupa. aku manusia biasa. punya hati dan perasaan. kadangkala aku butuh pertolongan, tapi senyap. tangunggjawab? aku cuba jalankan sebaiknya. tp bila kita cuba membantu yg lain, kesempatan diambil lagi, aku tersepit. sedih kecewa. bila itu kerja bersama tp... aku rasa tak payah ckp pn org tahu. aku tak terasa nak menconteng ke muka siapa2. cukuplah aku yg rasa dia pn terasa. kalau kebal jugak, aku tak tahu nak kata apa.. aku dah kurang tidur kebelakangan ini. bukan insomnia.. tak.. cuma kerja yg berlambak tak bagi aku tidor... di kala org len diulit mimpi dan bergembira sebab cuti aku mcm org gila dgn droopy eye wat keja. aku tgk muka aku kat cermin. aku ka 2?? mungkin aku perlu tidur. aku tidur, nightmare! aku tak mampu...mesti siap juga. tapi aku dah nak termuntah2... bila berlaku sesuatu dan kita selamat, itu tandanya kita diberi peluang kedua, mungkin tuhan nak bagi the taste of hell.. biar nnti taubat masuk syurga. 2 readers, mngking korng x paham apa yg ak tulis, tp ni sekadar luahan perasaan. kalau tak luah ak takut benanah parah... aku tak tahu sejak bila aku terer mengarang. tp aku perlu! biar terluah semua yang terbuku. buku novel, ensyklopedia, buku atkins, campbell biar kuar suma.. kerja sama, bantu membantu,tanggung jawab, sakit hati, berterus terang.. tapi tida jalan penyelasaian. aku jahat sebab post note nih tp.. aku perlu puas.. sekarang aku rasa sakit macam senggugut. kejap ada, kejap tiada. bila sakit, rasa tercabut uterus.. mcm 2 lah.. takdir jugak bila ada perkara perlu ditnggalkan sebab kekanggan perkara len. em.. mungkin aku perlu bersabar... tapi sabar aku dah di tahap tertinggi. mungkin aku akan jd seperti gunung berapi di Hawaii.. atau akan mengalami gegaran otak mcm Haiti.. entahla...

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Al-Fatihah..

baru pagini ak postkn satu post..
ptg ni ak post lagi satu...
sedih, kecewa, rasa nak marah~
tu ja yg ak mampu mo ckp..
pukul 4.03 td ak kol adek
adek nangis2 jawab talipon
" kak, biru sua kaki matua. mamy blang mo deka sua 2"
" sabar jak lah dek, yassin jak"
trus ak nangis..
jam 5.12 adek talipon lagi.. aku takut mo angkat..
tp ak angkat jg
" kalong....."
"bah innaillhinnaillahirajiun"
aku wat cool.. padahal airmata mcm air terjun...
adik sobbing di line sebelah
aku trus tutup phone..
ak kecewa..
nda sempat tgk arwah sblum jd gni,,,
ni ak jauh d perantauan.. nda taw mo wat apa
ak mo balik..
tp keadaan mengekang...
semoga rohnya dirahmati...

Al-Fatihah..

Monday, February 15, 2010

yesterday once more


rasa mcm br smalam matua(nenek) ckp ngan along
"long, blajar baik2, jau 2 d tempat orang.."
"ya matua.. nnti pndai2la along tu.."
" rajin-rajin balik, nnti mamatua rindu"
ak senyum jak..
realitinya, cuti sem lalu ak x balik, cuti 2 bulan pn ak x balik, cuti raya cina pn ak nda balik.. lama sua ak nda balik...
ada jg matua tanya.. tp mamy ckp along bz tu d uni dia.. betulkah aku lebihkan kerja uni dari family
aku nda taw..
ak sgt sedih!!
smpai nda taw mo buat apa..
perlukah ak balik...
tapi ak suda terikat di sini..
huhuhu
mcmnni???
mamy ckp nda payahla balik.. tp rasa besalah nnti..
takut menyesal kalo nda jumpa matua..
takut2 ni la last time....
aku buntu....
kawan vs family
bukannya nda mo balik
bukkannya nda boleh balik..
tp hati ak ckp balik otak ak ckp jangan!
smalam adik talifon
" kalung, ko bx ka?"
"nda, men fb jak ni. napa?"
" ko kc kirim yasin dr sana, nazak sua mamatua ni"
trus ak tutup laptop buka yassin...
al-fatihah, semoga ringan bebannya...
matua,
diala antara yg ak syg..
Ya Allah,
mcm br semalam ko cabut nyawa bapatua
sedihnya pn masih ada.. satu ruang kosong yang kosong....
skrg Kau mo amik lagi satu kah?
dia blum lg tgk aku grad
dia blang tgk gmbar pn jadi
tp ak da setaun lg mo grad ni... ko sempatkanlah Ya Allah...
Kazen2, SedAra2 ku suma suda bekumpul di kampung... Ak nda mau nnti nex time kami kumpul, mo kumpul d kubur....
matua,
kalo dia teda, sepa mo ciup pipi alk stp kali ak blik kg.
sepa lg org 1st ak mo cri kalo trn fl8
sepa mo ajar ak ikat lamban
sepa mo kasi masak udang cili padi fav aku?
sepa mo kasi kwn ak tdur, belai2 rambut aku??
org ckp you wont know the value till u lost it
tp ak taw value yg aku bakal hilang...
Ya Allah berilah ak kekuatan...
Berilah dia Kekuatan..
Kalau sudah takdir-Mu akan Kau ambil dia kembali
Maka redhakanlah hatiku...
Bukan ak nda kasi rela.. tp ak mc x bersedia..
hati, tabahlah....

Saturday, February 13, 2010

valentine n gong xi fa chai!



love is in the air.. never the less hepi valentine oso!!

Friday, February 5, 2010

a REAL boyfriend!

When She walks away from you mad - [Follow her]
When She stare's at your lips - [Kiss her]
When She pushes you or hit's you - [Grab her and don’t let go]
When she start's cursing at you - [Kiss her and tell her you love her]
When she's quiet - [Ask her what’s wrong]
When she ignore's you - [Give her your attention]
When she pulls away - [Pull her back]
When you see her at her worst - [Tell her she's beautiful]
When you see her start crying - [Just hold her and don’t say a word]
When you see her walking - [Sneak up and hug her waist from behind]
When she's scared - [Protect her]
When she lay's her head on your shoulder - [Tilt her head up and kiss her]
When she steal's your favorite hat - [Let her keep it and sleep with it for a
night]
When she tease's you - [Tease her back and make her laugh]
When she doesn’t answer for a long time - [reassure her that everything is okay]
When she looks at you with doubt - [Back yourself up with the TRUTH]
When she say's that she like's you - [she really does more than you could
understand]
When she grab's at your hands - [Hold her's and play with her fingers]
When she bump's into you - [bump into her back and make her laugh]
When she tells you a secret - [keep it safe and untold]
When she looks at you in your eyes - [don’t look away until she does]
WHEN SHE MISSES YOU - [SHES HURTING INSIDE]
When you break her heart - [the pain NEVER really goes away]
When she says its over - [she STILL wants you to be hers]
When she repost this bulletin - [she wants you to read it]
- Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything
- DON'T let her have the last word
- NEVER call her hot! Pretty and beautiful is soo much better
- Say you love her more than she could ever love you
- Argue that she is the best girl ever
- WHen she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's ok don’t believe it, talk with her
- When she says she's sorry, she truly means it
- Because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you
- Tease her and let her tease you back
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its
stupid
- Give her the world
- Let her wear your clothes
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her
- Let her know she's important
- Kiss her in the pouring rain
&& When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;"Who's ass am I
kicking today baby?"
If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will:
Call you
Kiss you
Love you
Text you

Thursday, February 4, 2010

DebatE workshop PNC 2010




congratulation 4 those who come to the workshop n thnx 4 ur cooperation!!! special thanx 4 wan ahmad azimi 4 d luvly briefing n lecture!! congratulation 2 bm debaters 4 completing their workshop oso(sp tnx 2 kak amni n d cute baby, n kak kama!!) never the less, to all the co mitee member!! gud job guys!!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

mnggu yg sgt bz..

mngu ni, ak mcm x trurus sket. Sgt bz. Ak ade 3 test, 1 kuiz, 1 tutorial, byk latihan, 3 proposal, 2 mini projek, lakonan, urusan li, sife cnferens, pnc, urusan kehakiman, surat jmputan, modul debat, n design baju pnc.
Rasa tecabut nyawa. Kalo bleh ak mo wat belahan dedua mcm ameba. Byk sikit bnda setel.. Tp ak ada sorg jak.. Trus ak wuwuwu sorg. Sgt stress! Tp x pa. Ak mc bertahan.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

kehendakNya..

pagi tadi ak bgn lambat.. sbb kelas stat kol 9.. (slalu kul 8- sem ni suma klas awal, sem lalu, pg awal pn pkl 10)jam 8.40 azira dtg..
"wani, ko nadk mo pg lab kah ni??"
'ah?? ala lab kici bukan suma org buli msk skali..'
"ah, bah, ak jln dlu ah~ c ain tnggu sda"
'mbha'
trus ak x sdp ati.. pgla kol Lyn.. mlgnya x diangkat. kol Tee pla.. bila dia ckp kelas tukar lab len aku pn cepat2 siap... rentas jalan Biawak ngan pantas(mcm super sonic!!) x mekap pn arini(aiseh!!)
sampai2 d lab kelas mmg suda mula..

"ayak!!"dlm ati
aku pn msk slo2.. nsb x kedapatan..
trus pgla wat media...
dlm wat2 2 ak tnya bdk2 grup ak
"kt wat ms tmbh ngan BAP kan?"
" a'ah"
lepas kira2 mol,(sbb nila ak plg mls kalo kimia- tp menyesal nda blajar btul2 dlu..)kami pn mulakan tugas..
malang lagi... sbb tgh2 jalan ak pnya mixture sol salah masuk bhn.. tepaksa wat blik... pnya penat....
lepas 2 ak tepaksa xten masa lan 40 min(cover masa wat blik).. wuwuw.. mo dkt 4 jam dlm lab.....
wlaupn ak sedih, aku tabah2 jew..
ah~ masa ak tgh wat blik ,media 2 tb 2 kwn2 ak bising2
"fuzah hilang laptop!!"
aku pn tekejut. tnggal media jap crik fuzah, dia tengah sobbing dkt talipon... tgk aku mkin kuat dia nggis(muka org jahat kot aku..)
"wani"(takziah fuzah)
'saba fuzah, jom wat report kat hepa'
"jap lg. tnggu nak g ngan Aini"
ngan pantas ak pn kol member2 yg len...(suruh tlg tgk2 kalo ade nak jmpe wlaupn harapan 2 sgt tipis..)-time kaseh kwn2..
petang 2 ak stat blaja test jam 6. mnyesal semalam x blajar siap2... huhu.. ak sumbat sua dlm otak...
dlm kol 4 lbh fuzah dtg ak pn teman dia nak g wat statement kat polis.
sampai kat pntu guard utama, ada kol
"pegi tmpat kejadian"
kami pn pg jalan blakang
pas2 kol lg
"kami da smpai pgar hostel"
da la ms 2 ak da halfway jlan blkng.. tepaksa pth blik...
dlm 400 mtr pgr hostel kol lg..
" ble awk nk smpai ni?? sy tnggu dkt makmal"
ak da binggung terus kol fuza kol aupa
"pa, tlg amik ktorg kat pntu pgr utama ni.."
dlm 5 min aupa atg~ nasib bek sbb pacik polis 2 bwk moto.. aku mn pndai bw!! sudala tnggi.....
pas 2 smpai kat makmal rupa2 ada 2 org polis yg berlainan....
pdnpn ak konpius..(pngajaran: sila berhunbung sesama sendiri utuk mngelakkn kekonpiusan org len!!)
dia amik statement smpai kol 6!! Kick!!TEST!!
ak pn rush2 baca nota...
"ala byk lagi x baca"
pas jwb test ak benggang sbb byk pula yg salah(pgajaran: jgn stadi las minit!)
huhuhu...
napala nasib ak ni...
sampai bilik bukak laptop.. isk.. kes gereja kena bakar pula...
aisk!! hmm kdg2 bnda kecil boleh jd besar...
ntahla....
harap ia berakhir.. jgn biar sejarah berulang kembali... pisang berbuah 2 kali..(kalo pisang real xpa.)huhu
i luv msia

Friday, January 1, 2010

weLcomE 2010


pejam celik, kt sudah menginjak ke tahun baru...
rasa cepat sgt masa berlalu..
aku sudah berusia 21 tahun(perasan pdhal br 20)
di tahun baru rami org tnya.. pasal my resolution for this particular year sbb last yer pnya x kesampaian..
hm.. i said, even i cant answer that. its not because i dont have one, its because i had many n yes one of it is to get onto the dean list dat im dying to get in!!
hm.. in celebrating the new year, im q8 jealous of my family in which they held their annual new year eve celebration while im..
hey, im a wonderer, so be patient... (sigh.. fate..)
my time will come soon..
AH~ no sad story in the new year!! hey, 1st, want to say hepi new year to every one n god bless.. Amin~
p/s: hope u guys achieve last year resolution..n opkos, dis yer as well
luv2- waney